she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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