I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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