all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
