This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
