from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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