i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
