he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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