Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't notice because vodka
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
