I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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