mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
