My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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