What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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