The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
