Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have post one night stand depression
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize