If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
