I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
