Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
