Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dicks are not precious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
