Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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