Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
