HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
