So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
