I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
