I should be sponsored by Trojan
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We need to get me chipped asap
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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