just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
