she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize