Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
