I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
