I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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