Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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