My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
