I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
