In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize