I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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