I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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