yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
