hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
