Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize