I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize