my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
