let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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