I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
