So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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