Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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