Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
