I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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