We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize