Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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