Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
