I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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