and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
