I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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