I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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