It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
