There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize