My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
