wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize