I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
