Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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