Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
