You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
