I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
