I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
