): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
