Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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