So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
